The influence of the community: who keeps company with the wolf will learn to howl

My Life


June 12, 2020

Does the community form a person’s personality, or does the person choose a circle of communication based on the inherent traits?

The influence of the community

There are two obvious points of view here:

  • talents and character are embedded in a person from birth, choosing people, he or she seeks to make up for missing skills or find support;
  • people’s consciousness and actions depend directly on their community, and the person’s personality, preferences and character may change under his influence.

Some believe that a person cannot change for the better if people around him do not support him, but on the contrary, blame and ridicule. Let’s try to analyze different situations and find out how friends, relatives, colleagues and even neighbors influence our consciousness and behavior. In other words, let us consider how strong the influence of our community on a person’s personality is.

You’re trying to change yourself for the better

So imagine a person, it could be a woman or a man who drinks, smokes, leads an asocial life. But, there comes a day when such a person decides to radically change their level and lifestyle, forgetting about old habits forever. He is fond of his inner world, begins reading literature, in which he is looking for useful recommendations. He learns to look at the world in a positive way, looking for only positive aspects in all events. In general, he decides to build his life not by the usual canons, but by his inner preferences.

Now imagine that such a person has to meet people every night who undermine his determination. They are ready to ridicule his views, the desire to change and start living on a qualitatively new level. The acquired confidence, which has not yet been supported by real achievements, unfortunately, will give way to doubts, fears and fears. And the person is likely to quickly return to his former way and style of life, sinking to the bottom again. It turns out that the impact of the community on the individual is obvious.

Who can really influence a person’s consciousness? It can be his closest friends, parents, colleagues, relatives, neighbors, even casual passers-by. Our community is large enough, and each person has an impact on intentions and actions. How can one person afford not to pay attention to the goals and ignore assessments from the environment? Even if people realize that the opinions and views of the environment are wild and cruel, and that the impact of the environment on the individual is devastating, they often agree with them over time.

Analyze your community: 8 questions for yourself

The community has a huge impact on the development, thoughts and beliefs of each of us. But people are entitled to harmonious development and their own personal growth. If you are not satisfied with life, try a little experiment. Answer the questions below to assess the impact of your community on your life:

  • What people surround you every day?
  • What people around you are willing to do to make you a little better and happier?
  • How useful is communication with them and do you enjoy it?

Once you find the answers to all the questions, try to estimate the amount of time spent with each friend, family member, or colleague. Does this communication have a positive impact on your personal development? If you are unable to answer and clearly assess the impact of your community on you, try to think about the following questions:

  • What did people close to you advise you to watch, read or listen to?
  • What places did they advise you to visit?
  • What are the thoughts of communicating with them?
  • What emotions and feelings do they evoke?

And one more, control question.

  • Do people around you help you develop and grow in your chosen direction?

The answers to these questions allow you to make a small analysis of your own life and from the other side to look at the impact of your immediate community. If you are standing still and no one can help you, much less support you, the answer is obvious. Think about expanding or changing your circle, as the influence of your immediate entourage is currently destroying your personality.

The influence of the community

Change the community: cardinal actions

People who arouse feelings of fear, apathy or irritation from their friends and family are called “toxic”. Maybe you have noticed how after a harmless conversation with such a person you begin to have a headache, spoil your mood? If that’s the case, then bravely sever every possible contact with him. It’s better to spend your free time alone than to spend it on negative, disruptive conversations. Talking to such friends, you steal time from yourself. In this case, it is better to say “no” immediately to such friends or colleagues than to communicate with them, trying to always remain polite and attentive individuals, spending their energy and resources on them. Do not underestimate the impact of your social community on your development.

Unfortunately, after analysis, it may turn out that more than half of all your relatives, acquaintances, colleagues or friends are “toxic” people. So it’s time to expand your circle of communication, paying more attention to those people who inspire or motivate you. Try to meet new people whose goals, aspirations and desires will coincide with yours. They can help you start a new life full of enjoyable experiences and long-awaited victories. The impact of your social environment on your life is too great to approach your circle thoughtlessly.

In conclusion, you should not associate true friends with people who have a lot of money or with whom you spend time on weekends. Pay attention to the goals and life position of the person. There are many interesting, purposeful personalities among people who can support you in a difficult situation. And among even “status” friends may not appear a single person who will not turn away from you if you have a problem.

What about me?

Unfortunately, there are very few people among my friends who really want to achieve something meaningful.

Everyone wants to live a mediocre, boring and grey life. Why? Because to achieve something meaningful – you have to work hard, it’s difficult and far from the fact that it will work at all.

After all, it is much easier to call a friend to play some game on a PC with him than to call him to make a new project together.

I’m not gonna write about the family in this post. Everyone has their own problems, but I’ll just point out that the impact of my wife’s family on her is extremely negative. But we’ll fix that in time. 😉

What about me? I’ve already shortened the list of people I’ve talked to. There’s not much left and I’m always looking for people I can learn from or learn something new. I hope my new friends are among them, too.

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Written by Max Basev. I start at the bottom. I create IT projects, take pictures of the city and try to do self-development. You should follow them on Twitter